Why must the desert be so... long?

And big? And dry and empty of trees? These are the questions that plague today's sloth. Maybe someday she'll find some answers. Maybe someday she'll locate an oasis of lush green plants. And maybe someday she'll finally become a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance. Don't laugh... dreams can come true. Happy weekend from all of us here at slothoftheday.

Mmmm. Leaf is delicious. Mrarrafflrar. Leaf.

Just ask today's sloth! She's indulging in a yummy, nutritious sheaf of chlorophyll as we speak! Which of course she isn't. Because she's eating. And will be for the next hour or so. But after that, she'll be more than pleased to converse with you.

Springtime means raintime

And this little slothkin is SO EXCITED about the prevalent moisture that she just can't hide it. She's spent months perfecting her sideways mohawk, and now she's finally ready to show it off! Few and far between are the humans lucky enough to witness such divine majesty, such inspired creativity in its natural habitat. Count yourself forever fortunate, dear readers, and while you're at it, why not do something awesome with *your* hair.

Happiness is an unrestricted shoulder

Today's sloth is feeling so sprightly because he got a great massage earlier today, which has enabled him to return to climbing around on trees as fast as he pleases! Gone are those troubling knots and crunchy bits! He's also memorized the phone number of his favorite therapist, and he'd be happy to pass it on to readers and fellow sloths alike.

Did you lose your baby blanket?

Never fear, because today's sloth has got it right here! And she'll even give it back to you... for a price. Don't be fooled by her sweet-natured appearance; she's tough and drives a hard bargain. Best to bring unmarked cash. And a lot of green leaves.

It's the freakin weekend baby

Today's sloth is gonna have him some fun. Just as soon as he gets to the top of that branch.

Beeeeeaaaaauuuuuutiful slooooooooooooths!

Sing it with us! You know you want to! It's spring and everyone's excited! No one's even listening! Probably! So open up those vocal chords and SIIIIIIIIIING FOOOOOOOR SLOOOOOOOOOTHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSS!! And while you're at it, why don't you appreciate how damn adorable this mama and baby sloth are in their little tree-climbing embrace, eh?

Uh-oh! Say it isn't 4/20 already!

Today's sloth hasn't finished barricading his door yet! He can't risk being unprotected, not after last year when a bunch of stoned frat boys on spring break poked at him with sticks and covered him with Silly String. Won't you help out by bringing him any large pieces of furniture or padlocks you may have hanging around? It's, like, really urgent.

So much to do, so much to do...

... and through it all, today's sloth is ever climbing upward - even after a rainstorm. We could all learn a little something from the fortitude and perseverance of our favorite tropical mammal. Now take a deep breath, dear readers, and get to it!!

Why yes, I did paint this room!

Slowly and surely, with lots of painter's tape and dropcloths and careful, patient strokes. Oh, and Radiohead. Listening to them is the best way, I've found, to ensure a steady hand. And don't forget to wash the brushes thoroughly! It always takes longer than you like, but you'll thank me later when you can use them again to make the bathroom a glorious hot-pink.

Slothy Friday!

Slothy Friday. Sloooooooooooooooootttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy Frrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.

A snooze in the highest of branches

That's what today's looking like for this cozy sloth - a good old tree-nap. She's even got herself wrapped up into a perfect little sphere so she can keep warm against the rainy spring chill. Stay tuned for next week, when she'll be performing a series of gymnastics feats on a telephone wire.

Nom nom!

Today's sloth can never have enough syringe juice! Just look how she reaches! So insistent, yet so polite! She knows no one can resist the call of the miniature fuzzball.

His toes is almost froze!

Today's sloth forgot his umbrella, and had to wait for the bus in the rain just to get home to his friends! Won't you make him a cup of tea, find him a warm robe, and cue up his favorite Hitchcock movie? He'll snuggle you all night if you do!

I present to you:

Senorita baby sloth! For your viewing pleasure, and also petting. Thank me later. And watch out for those claws.

Love,
Giant Man-hand

Oh no! Sloths say sorry!

Dearest readers,

Please accept the humblest apologies on behalf of all sloths for such an extended bloggus interruptus. It's been a long time, and all of us here at slothoftheday have been waiting patiently for the return of the little guys. And now, that happy hour is upon us! And also, happy hour is almost upon us. Maybe that cheery news'll turn the frown on today's sloth upside down. One can only hope. See you on Monday, when we'll be back (for real) with daily updates!